Don’t overplan – On the 20th, last year, you locked yourself out of the house, your car filled up with water and your hubby broke down on the motorway in a rented van. Didn’t plan for that did you? But … Continue reading Next Christmas – Notes to Self
There’s a cow in the garage. It’s sandwiched between the lawn mower and a man in a red coat. The man is not Santa but my husband. He’s packing away the wise men’s gifts, giving them a cursory polish, so … Continue reading Polishing gifts
And so it begins: the slow slide becomes a headlong rush into festive full-on. I’m not ready. I’m cross with Christmas this year. I want to grab it by the baubles and tell it what I really think. About Dad … Continue reading We are Christmas
So I had a bit of an episode. I lost my diary. I keep all my passwords in there – well, obviously not my actual passwords (I’m not stupid. At least, not in that way) but the clues to them. … Continue reading Falling off the edge
Last week we visited a gorgeous pub, doubling as a village shop, in a tiny village in Hampshire. The food was excellent, the atmosphere perfect, the fire warm. The waitresses were very good and very young. Between mouthfuls of beef … Continue reading Gifts in skin
People can be very annoying, particularly in supermarkets. The other day, they were being deliberately obstructive: standing around; staring into space; loitering for several seconds, three deep, in front of a vegetable I was gunning for; even (cardinal sin) turning … Continue reading How to be stressed
A while ago, we had a tiny crisis, involving my daughter, her I-phone and a toilet. She quite likes our little town, though it was hard for her that we moved from London in her final year at uni, so I wanted to give her a taste of Sussex life – the forest, the sea, Harvey’s Bonfire Boy. After the I-phone 6, with 8 months on the contract, decided to investigate life in the U-bend, it took the edge off things a bit. We buried it in rice, put it in the airing cupboard, prayed – but the screen with … Continue reading Give us this day…
I didn’t grow sunflowers this year. Last year was our first one here and the best place to grow them – at the front in the sunshine – was annoying to water and beyond reach of the hose. They did well and had massive heads, particularly the ones in compost, and I kind of regretted it in the end, but there we are. I grew seeds in the greenhouse – nasturtiums and geraniums and star shaped cosmos and potted them up for the back. It grew hot, the air stilled, we went away. The cat lady came to feed … Continue reading Lessons from a sunflower
Since we moved to Uckfield, I’ve become a criminal. Some time ago, I received a notice of intended prosecution from the Sussex Police. It was a long letter with lots of red, shouty writing and thick black letters at the top with a picture of a police badge in black and white. It had my full name on it too which I hate because people only use it when they’re cross, or before operations. I was distraught. I am a very law-abiding person. I floss (occasionally), queue at bus stops (always) and go into Tesco’s to buy something if I … Continue reading Criminal Tendencies
The lad in the chemist was polite. He inclined his head and nodded with understanding, but clearly felt obliged to invoke the rule book. “Madam, you know you can buy them over the counter,” he remarked, motioning grandly towards the … Continue reading In praise of literalism
